What Marriage Should Be Like

“Through thick and thin.” – Everyone said.

I would say I am one of the heavy damage ones.  I hide fragile feelings to show people how tough I could be.  I conveniently forget my problems for such a long time, in order to “be okay” in this bullying world where rich people talk.  Same in marriage,

I ignore problems.

I have been ignoring the facts that the knot we tied 3 years ago is loosing up.  The foundation we both built is crooked.  The chapter we both wrote is coming to an end.  End of this chapter?  Or end of the book?  I don’t know yet.

Should marriage be easier?  Should marriage be like a fairy tale when you said “I do.” and live happily for ever after?  These bull-crap weddings and love stories gave me false hopes for a good 3 years.

Jokes on me.  I know very well how marriage works ’cause the only one that lasts in my family is my grandparents.  They have 6 kids and raised them all with bare hands and yet still together for 55 years strong.

We, on the other hand, no kids, no financial duties, not much responsibilities, and still go south on married road where we certainly have control over but no ones push break pedal.  Our prideful minds stop us from seeing what wrong in ourselves.  Instead, we point fingers toward the one we love most.  For?  Protecting our hearts which are also breaking to pieces.

I see things very offbeat.  I would give out respect for strangers but sometimes forget my family needs more of that attitude from me.  I love working.  Most people call me workaholic but I hate to work in my marriage.  I think it’s supposed to work itself out.  My husband is supposed to do all chores without complaining (“because I have been working all day everyday.”- I said.) I cook once a year and the past 3 years in marriages, the number of meals I cooked could be less than 10.  Cause I have been focusing on money, money, money.  I truly think money fix everything, marriage included.

Money in my case is totally worthless.  We fought so much about money.  I have been spoiled from day one of not paying bills and got 100% support from him.  So I spent my making money on luxury things and vacations.  Still can’t buy myself happiness.  I have been lost for a while and draining his love from day to day.  I deserve to be loveless.

I would be okay with the idea of ending the book.  I have been preparing for that from the very first day that my marriage would have the same ending.  But I’m not going to stop writing and revising.  Marriage should be a real-life fairy tale, at least in my world.

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