Breath

It has been such a long time since my last heartbreak.  Like almost 8 years ago now and I do not remember how it felt like back in the day, but I remember I did not shed a tear for him even it took me a long long time to completely move on.

Then one of my best friends are going through her break-up.  Last night, I looked at her, and I couldn’t feel anything.  Neither sad or unhappy.  Just numb.

I am absolutely okay with the way I have no emotions toward life.  I learn to accept bad things, protect myself from being hurt, and totally okay with not being extremely happy.  I treat everything and everyone in life superficially well.  Then my friends are going through a hard time in their life and I was just sitting there, looking at them, and couldn’t say a word.

In earnest, I really wanted to.  I wanted to care and asked sincere questions.  I wanted to comfort them, to give them hugs, to tell them everything will be okay.  I just couldn’t.  I thought they were adults enough to get through hard times like I used to.  I thought they were smart enough to know who would deserve their hearts.  So I chose to stay quiet, and talked about silly things which did not related to any kind of relationship.

I choose to live life simply.  To make myself happy.

Again, people call it selfish.  I call it “self-love.”  You have to love yourself first before you decide to take care of someone else.  You have to make yourself happy first in order to make the others happy.  You, always, have to come first.

Being sad, depressed, and negative could lead life to a different path.  A path that could end your life in multiple ways.  I had been there.  So don’t tell me I don’t understand/know how it feels.  I know it so well.  I had been through a handful of therapists and psychiatrists.  I even got depression pills to help me cope with suicidal thoughts.  Ha! Do not let those thoughtless heads tell you jokes.  They have doctorate degrees doesn’t mean they understand where you come from.  They don’t.  You are the only person who understand yourself.  You are the only one who could fulfill your happiness.  You know what is best.  So why you let others people control your emotions?  Especially people who do not matter anymore.

Family is the only thing matter – for ever.  Anything else is just temporary.  We all have 24 hours in one day, and only one life to live.  Do it correctly.

 

 

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